Scotched Salmon

Posted on 12 Aug 2014, by Barry Verber


I have never been particularly attracted to things Scottish: haggis, oatcakes, smokies all leave me cold.

However, I am partial to Scotch smoked salmon, and a good friend of mine who regularly fishes for salmon in the Scottish Borders tells me that in the summer months, the protocol is that, if you are fortunate enough to catch two salmon, you can keep one but you must throw the other one back.

Well, the one I would like to throw back is spelt Salmond..the man who woke up one morning and decided it would be a good idea to try for the role of King of Scotland…and, having chosen a Sturgeon as his Queen, he set about convincing all the fish in Scotland that they should
be part of an independent country…for no particularly good reason so far as I, and hopefully the electorate, can see.

I have always held the view that the two main scourges of society over the ages have been nationalism and religion, and if this isn’t blatant unwarranted nationalism then I do not know what is. To compound the problem, the nearer the September vote comes, the more
devolved powers are offered to Scotland by Westminster in the event of a “no” vote.

Why are we pandering to this upstart? He has no particular vision for Scotland other than an unexplained yearning to be free of the English yoke, and now insists that he will keep the pound despite having been told by all relevant parties, and in the clearest possible terms, that he can’t have it.

And yet, despite himself, he seems to be in a win-win situation. Become King, ideally and, if not, get more and more devolved power.

I say, Mr Salmond, you have staked your political life on Scottish independence so, if you lose the vote, which you surely will, in the name of God go.

I hope that my kind friend will airmail me a slice or two of his delicious cured salmon, because I certainly won’t be going up there to collect it myself, not with the borders closed and a queue to have a Scottish entry visa stamped in my United Kingdom passport.

Have Your Say